“Hey did you ever get those new arm guards you asked for?”
“Yeah, Coulson gave them to me last week.”
“So clearly it’s just my requisition forms that get lost in admin”
“What did you ask for?”
“A pet chinchilla”
“I don’t think you’re going to get a chinchilla, Wade.”
“Nope. Apparently mom loves you best.”
Mean Villains/Domestic Villains/Earth’s Sassiest Villains
What if? → Avengers Study Group, Tony turns up just to brag about not having to turn up, and Thor is … Thor.
You are a creepy human being, Wade.
Hey, did I tell you about the time Logan and I went to Vegas?
Does he end up naked in this story?
Once. Briefly. He was unconscious so I shaved his-
JESUS CHRIST, WADE! STOP IT!
the Avengers need good press: the ‘Tony could do anything and he wouldn’t be ridiculous unless you ask Clint’ edition.
Tony and Steve discover the identity of the Spider-Man.
[I WANT TO WRITE FANFICS, STEVE. I CAN’T EVEN THIS GIVES ME ALOT OF FEELS]
(BBY WRITE IT OUT. WRITE THOSE FEELS OUT! I GOT SO MANY FEELS RIGHT NOW THAT I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE IT)
Peter had known this would happen one day. Something would happen, and he would either get up the nerve to tell them, or sent back to SHIELD in a body bag, and They would find out….
But he had never imagined this. He had gotten sloppy, gotten cocky, and had been Caught. The video feed showed right into SHIELD Headquarters, and his heart lurched as he saw his parents. He knew who they were, they didn’t know who he was.
They all knew Spiderman. The helpful masked Vigalante who refused to unmask. He showed up once and while and helped, but never played any major parts.
Tony Stark frowned, and crossed his arms. “Why are you showing us this?” He asked the men on the screen, who smirked, and looked back.
“Aren’t you curious as to who Spiderman is?” They asked, and everyone just looked confused. “Well..Yeah…but why…” Why just to them, why not the world?
They grabbed the mask, and yanked it off, and Peter’s eyes shut as he heard the screams and yells of his parents, of Uncle Clint and Uncle Thor and the grumbling that Preceded the appearance of the Hulk from Uncle Bruce.
“No. No.” Tony said simply, pacing around, trying to keep from screaming.
Peter’s eyes opened, and he looked at his parents. “..Dad…You always say…Someone has to-“
“BUT NOT YOU!” Steve roared, and everyone went quiet, because Steve /never/ yelled. “…Not you.” He said, his voice sad and broken and quiet, and Peter knew that something had broken between them, between all three of them, and who knew if they would ever get it back?